a woman obsessed

i feel weird. i got an offer at a small company that i'd be perfectly fine with, and learn design and web, and have a stable enough of a schedule to take more classes. that would be a clear shift in my career. i'd be broadening my skills and opportunities for the future. the stress level would be manageable i think. I'm not 100% sure. overall though, sounds all good, right? vanity fair however is an opportunity of a different kind. it's vanity fuckin fair. it's prestigious just at face value. it's owned by one of the most well known publishing companies. i'd be production manager, with high levels of stress and some big people who i'd be easily intimidated by. but then again, when the need for confidence and firmness emerges, i rise to the occasion. and inversely, i lower my self-expectations when less is expected from me. meaning, i'm lazy when i'm allowed to be. i'd also be the head of a department. that scares and excites me at the same time. i'm obsessing is what i'm doing. i can't stop. aaaand, i'm done.

that was cake.

http://www.foliomag.com/viewmedia.asp?prmMID=8270&prmID=1

i think that's just swell. i mean who knew actual change like this was still possible. i come from the world of publishing and i know that ads rule the magazine. just like money rules the world. maybe i haven't been following the case, but it seems like NOW, national organization of women, just decided to protest the sex trafficking ads in the backs of these newspapers/magazines and the publishers just decided, sure, we'll do without that revenue. but it's like they were trying to see how long they could get away with advertising prostitutes on their books before someone caught on. well, i'm sure it was a long and hard fight for NOW. maybe they can make some more changes, using this example as proof of their clout.

delilah

i love this song so much.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_m-BjrxmgI

PLAIN WHITE T'S LYRICS

"Hey There Delilah"

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.

serenity now

i need clarity for the storm that will be saturday.

1pm: pick up cake in flushing
1:30: pick up sister in law in woodside
2pm: arrive at baby shower to set up and decorate, blow up 50 balloons, set out favors, prepare games
4pm: shower starts
7pm: shower ends
10pm: heather's party in bk

too many things swirling around in my brain.

SERENITY NOW!

my first blog!

so i decided to join this thing. i want writing to be as cathartic as it used to be. not a burden, like its actually been. i've picked up writing again. but in a book. with a pen. it's really humbling to realize you’ve forgotten how to write. hehe. but seriously, typing is veeery different from writing. but i find that writing for me is about the feeling of a good pen in my hand writing on good college ruled paper. it's more personal. i know i have no audience but myself and maybe my cats. freewriting is so important! it helps me focus and ramble and go off and insane tangents. hm, that's kind of oxymoronical. haha, great new word. anyway, oxymoron that i write for focus by using tangents. i guess it's more that i have too many thoughts wirling in my head, that sometimes, i'm overwhelmed by them. they become a tornado of thoughts in my tiny little brain, and i find comfort in the notion that when i'm writing about one specific thing, i can concentrate on that one thing until my hands finish getting the words onto the paper. does that make sense? does to me! =)

so i'm in a pickle with my career. i'm bouncing around the magazine world freelancing, and it's hard as feck. it's interesting to meet new peoples and learn new techniques to do the same thing, but man, it's tiring. i'm not myself when i first meet a coworker. i'm shy and timid. they don't see how friendly i really am. but then again, i'm not really being paid by the hour to make friends, am i? instead at this gig, i'm being paid to blog, for the first time in many many months. freelancing's weird.

ok, i'm done. gonna go take advantage of the cool coffee machine.