applecare woes

please allow me to wallow. i'm in a downward shame spiral. i bought my baby laptop 1 year and 40 days ago. i waited to purchase the applecare protection plan because i couldn't afford it, slash i don't even know why. i'm so stupid! i begged with the supervising manager or something and failed. which brings me to my outstanding investment intuition. investing in a friend's company, without a contract, giving him cash to boot, just going on hope and trust that he wouldn't just steal it? yea, i was wrong. life savings. that's all. just my life savings. and i can't bring myself to call a lawyer in LA because i'm afraid he'll tell me i have no case and i just have to let it go. i should at least just give it a shot but i don't know why i can't bring myeslf to do it. sigh. i got laid off, am trying to make the most of my time off but i've even fucked up collecting unemployment. i didn't tell them to take taxes off, so come april, i'm going to have to pay. isn't that grand? pay taxes on unemployment benefits. i have to keep a happy face because jon will leave if i am sad. people will leave me if i'm sad. because it's happened before. and it scares the shit out of me. i' so stupid. i've really fucked so many things up. and if i lose jon, that'd be suicide worthy. i guess this is just money i'm sad about. but it's a goddamn lot of money. maybe i'm just a fuckup. plain and simple. i am ashamed that i want pity. hence the blogger post that no one reads. gotta keep my chin up right? sigh.